


When The Levee Breaks and Lucifer Rises

by CrashDevil (cjdevlin19)



Series: Best Laid Plans Series [20]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alpha!Dean, Alpha!John, Angst, Chuck's books, F/M, Reader-Insert, a/b/o dynamics, domestic abuse, omega!reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:40:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27833914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cjdevlin19/pseuds/CrashDevil
Summary: The world is ending and it's ending with a lot of angst and drama.~~~~~~~~You stayed in the yard until Sam escaped and Dean went after him, leaving you and John to make sure Bobby was okay. "I told you he wasn't himself," you muttered as you checked Bobby’s nose for a break. "The fucking blood changed him and I told you. I told you he was wrong. But does anybody listen to Y/n? No. I'm just the token omega attachment, what the hell would I know about-""Shut the hell up, Y/n," John snapped, making you tense and Bobby's eyes go wide. "You really think this is the appropriate time for your 'poor pitiful me, no one listens to me and nobody loves me bullshit? The world is ending and my sons are in danger!""Your sons are always in danger, asshole!" you responded, turning to him. "Because you made them hunters. You chose this for them and now you wanna act concerned because you feel guilty about the other one? Fuck you, John."Rage filled his scent again and his eyes narrowed. "I'm gettin' real fucking sick of your attitude, little girl.""That’s nice. I've been sick of yours," you shot back.
Relationships: Dean Winchester/You, John Winchester/You
Series: Best Laid Plans Series [20]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1526507
Comments: 4
Kudos: 48





	When The Levee Breaks and Lucifer Rises

**Pairing** : Alpha!John x Omega!Reader, Alpha!Dean x Omega!Reader (AU...you'll see)

**Story Warnings:** **18+! HERE BE SEX!! DON’T READ IF YOU’RE A YOUNG’UN!!!** angst...A/B/O dynamics, canon divergence, physical violence against the reader, John letting his old true colors fly, mentions of angel mindfuckery, pining, did I mention angst? 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

You groaned as you rolled over and grabbed John's phone off the side table. Dean's name on the screen made you sigh and hand the phone straight over to your alpha. The question of “What are they getting us into this time?” had just crossed your mind when your own phone went off. Bobby’s name was on your screen.

You sat up and answered the call as John answered his. “Yeah, Bobby?”

“Need you and John in Sioux Falls, ASAP.”

“Um...can I ask why?”

“No. You won’t come if I say. But we need you and John here as fast as you can.”

“Bob-” You started to argue.

“ _Now_ , girl. It’s important,” he said before he hung up. 

You turned to look at John, already up and getting packed. “Did your son give you more information than Bobby gave me?” you asked.

“No.” He didn’t stop packing as he tossed his answer over his shoulder at you.

“Then why are you packing so fast?”

“Because they need us.”

“Okay? So? They always need us in some way, John. We don’t have to rush to their aid every time they ca-”

“Yes, we do.” John turned around and looked at you. “They’re my sons. I know I’ve been...I was never the best at being a dad and I was never good at being _there_ , but I’m not going to turn them away when they call me for help.”

“You’ve done it _before_!” you argued. “John, please. Please, I don’t want to see them. I want to stay here and I want to-”

He leaned forward and reached out to you, grabbing your shoulders and pulling you forward. “I know. I know your heart is sick about Dean and your body is sick about Sam, but we are going, Y/n. My sons need me.”

“And they haven’t needed you every time you’ve been called for help that you’ve ignored?!” you snapped. “Any of the times when Dean was dying?! Or when _I_ was? Why could you ignore us then but now you suddenly wanna do the right thing and be there?” Rage filled his scent as you slapped his hands off of your shoulders. “Suddenly, you wanna be a good father? You think I’m blind? You think I don’t see that this is about _Adam_?”

The rage flashed in his eyes and he raised his hand in an action you recognized as the lead-in to a backhand, but he stopped himself from following through, dropping his hand to his side and turning away. “I’m going. You can stay here if you want, girl. I’m sure, whatever the trouble is, it won’t be more than a few days. You’ll be fine by yourself for that, right?”

You stared at him for a few moments as he went back to his packing. Sam and Dean told you when you were kids that their father’s temper was not a joke, but you’d never seen it firsthand...and you’d never had it directed at you.

“You don’t get to leave me behind,” you whispered eventually. “We’ve talked about this.”

“Well, you don’t wanna fuckin’ go, I’m not forcing you, Darlin’.” He raised his eyebrows as he turned to you, anger still seeping out of him. “You come with me, that’s on you. You stay _here_ , that’s on you, too. Make your mind up, Omega.”

“Screw you, John,” you growled, stomping into the bathroom to grab your toiletries. You weren’t going to stay behind...but you weren’t happy about going with him, and you weren’t going to hide it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"He's addicted to what?" you asked Bobby. You refused to go inside, hanging out in the salvage yard while Dean filled John in.

"Demon blood. He's addicted to demon blood. That's how he's been usin' his powers."

"Ruby?" you asked, shaking your head. You couldn’t see it. How could Sam have gotten addicted to demon blood? Why would he-

"Yeah, Ruby. Now, we gotta get him off the junk and we need you and John to help us."

You ran your tongue along the inside of your cheek and sighed. "No," you responded, simply.

"No? You ain't gonna help him?"

"No. I'm not. That asshole was high on demon blood when he marked me. When he chased me down, _held_ me down, and bit me, he had Ruby's blood running through his veins, so excuse me if I don't feel like I need to help him get clean. Fuck him. John came so I had to follow but Sam? Sam can rot."

Bobby scoffed and shook his head before going inside. You leaned your head back against the headrest. This was a moment in your life that made you reevaluate every bit of your life up to that point. The regrets and what ifs that you always kept yourself from indulging settled in your head. At what point should you have distanced yourself from the Winchesters? When should you have cut ties to avoid being in this situation?

Before the marks, obviously. Before letting Dean into your soul. Before you were irreparably damaged by these idiots.

The shiny black metal of the Impala caught your attention and you sighed as you climbed down to examine a box in the backseat. Books. You could see through the back driver’s side window that the box held a bunch of paperback books by a man named Carver Edlund. The prophet’s books. The Winchester Gospels. 

You pulled open the back door and slid the box close enough for you to look at the titles. _The Benders, Route 666, Bloody Mary, Hell House, Dead in the Water._ _Hook Man_ grabbed your attention. You were there for this. _Scarecrow_ , another one you were there for. You pulled them from the box and set them aside before digging in deeper. _Born Under a Bad Sign, Simon Said, Crossroad Blues, Tall Tales, Hollywood Babylon, Croatoan, What Is and What Should Never Be,_ an exceptionally thick volume called _All Hell Breaks Loose, Houses of the Holy, The Magnificent Seven, Bedtime Stories, The Kids Are Alright,_ and _Sin City_ all seemed to take place in the years you were dead.

You pulled them from the box and stacked them on top of the first two. You’d figure out the order to read them in when you got them back to the truck. You held them against your chest, secured under your chin, lightly kicking the car door closed as you walked back to the truck. Thankfully, the books were numbered on the inside cover so it wasn’t hard to find out the correct order. You opened _Hook Man_ first, flipping through to the part where you first saw your name. It didn’t take long for you to be completely immersed.

_**Dean noticed the Pontiac in the diner parking lot before he even parked his Chevy. Bobby Singer’s Pontiac Firebird was unmistakable. He wasn’t sure he wanted to go into the diner if he was going to run into Y/n and Bobby, but trying to explain the tension between him and Y/n to Sam would be too difficult. He readied himself for the inevitable confrontation with her as he parked and exited the Impala, running his fingers lovingly over the roof to ground himself.** _

_**Sam radiated excitement as he walked into the diner and saw the little omega sitting at a table by herself, but Dean kept his eyes off of her. “Y/n?! What are you doing here?” Sam exclaimed as the brothers approached her. Dean couldn’t watch as Sam wrapped her in a tight embrace. Dean could see her reaction to Sam’s scent and a sense of mournful vindication fell across him. Dean knew she would be Sam’s. He knew it when they were children.** _

_**“Um...uh...the-the fr-frat boy wi-with the invisible assailant,” Y/n stuttered, stumbling over her words in a way that was very endearing to Dean, who kept his eyes on her feet as she stepped away from Sam.** _

_**“Are you a hunter now?” Sam asked, smiling at her.** _

_**“I must’ve forgot to tell ya, Sammy. Bobby’s been running her since ‘02.” Dean took a seat in the chair on the opposite side of the table. He couldn’t help the way his eyes focused on her. She was gorgeous. A perfect specimen of an omega. Too good for him.** _

_**“Really? I thought your dad didn’t want you to be a hunter,” Sam said, focusing on her face.** _

_**Y/n shrugged. “He didn’t but...he’s not around.”** _

_**“So, where’s Bobby?” Dean asked, tapping his fingers on the table. There was no way Bobby would let her hunt alone.** _

_**“Home. I told him I’d call him if I need him…but you boys are here, so...might as well get back in the car and go home.” Y/n sat in the chair across from Dean and took a deep breath of her coffee to cleanse her mind. She was not excited to be in Dean’s vicinity, nor Sam’s. The Winchesters were signs of her weakness, a constant reminder of her gender status, because they were the only men in the world who could make her feel like an omega without even trying.** _

_**“Why don’t you stay?” Sam asked, optimistically. “I mean, I haven’t seen you in, like four and a half years, Y/n. You’re a hunter now, you’re away from the salvage yard. I didn’t even know you could drive!” Sam laughed and Y/n couldn’t help but join in. It was a contagious and hopeful sound to her.** _

_**“Yeah, okay. I can stay and help with the invisible man.”** _

_**“Great! Uh, I’m gonna be right back. Will you get me a Coke?” Sam asked, jumping out of his chair. Y/n nodded, smiling and watching as he walked toward the restrooms near the back of the cafe.** _

_**“He doesn’t know about you and Dad. I never told him. Heat messed your head up so it’s not your fault...I didn’t tell him. And his omega isn’t in the picture anymore...and you’re definitely feeling something, aren’t you?” Dean said, without looking at her. This was it. The whole reason he never admitted his feelings to her. She was supposed to be with Sam. If Dean believed in truemates, if he believed in soulmates and destiny, it would be Y/n and Sam. It was always Y/n and Sam. Even if Y/n was being resistant.** _

_**Y/n looked over at him and licked her lips. “He smells good. So what?”** _

_**Dean held back from rolling his eyes at her. “So you’re supposed to be-”** _

_**Y/n didn’t hold back her own attitude, rolling her eyes and scoffing loudly. “It’s been a couple years so you might not know this, but I’m done letting people tell me what I’m supposed to be.” She leaned forward, aggression unusual to an omega in her scent and on her face as she gained eye contact and held it. “I’m my own person. Just like you. Perfectly capable of making my own decisions about who I say 'yes’ or ’no’ to.”** _

_**Dean swallowed and broke their eye contact at the reminder of the words he said last time they were together. He told her he couldn’t be with her. He told her ‘no’...all because of his devotion to Sam.** _

_**The server approached, a timid little omega with dark brown hair and freckles across pale cheeks, and Y/n ordered a burger and a Coke for Sam. She smiled as Dean kept quiet before ordering coffee and a bacon cheeseburger for Dean.** _

_**“Of course,” the waitress said, looking at Dean with an apprehensive mix of fear and lust.** _

_**“Don’t worry, honey. That anger in his scent is directed at me and I can more than take care of myself. I promise,” Y/n assured the other omega, who nodded in understanding and dashed away to the server station.** _

_**“I’m not angry,” Dean argued.** _

_**“Uh-huh. My scent is dampened, Winchester, but my senses aren’t,” Y/n practically spat back.** _

_**“Ya know, what the hell is your problem?” he asked, quietly, but Dean knew. Y/n felt rejected. She was hurt over his words, hurt over the fact that he didn’t want her, but nothing could be further from the truth. He wanted her more than he ever wanted anyone, and that is exactly why he couldn’t have her.** _

_**“If you don’t know, then you haven’t been paying attention,” she snapped as Sam found his way back to the table.** _

_**As Y/n and Sam discussed getting back into hunting and her getting into hunting in the first place, Dean ruminated on their pasts. His mind focused on the night Sam told him that he was in love with her. Sam and Y/n couldn’t have been more than fifteen when Sam approached Dean and said, "She's going to be my omega. I can just feel it."** _

_**Dean imagined that optimistic, lovestruck Sam finding out ‘his omega’ would lose her virginity a few short years later at the hands of their father. He imagined him finding out that Dean touched himself to thoughts of her every time he had the pleasure of seeing her in person. It was the look of her that got him, the smell of her spurring him on. The tone in her voice when she teased Dean getting into his head.** _

_**It was Sam, the Sam in his head, that made Dean hold back.** _

You rolled your eyes as you flipped through the book, past all of the hunt and Dean pushing you toward Sam and the flirting and you going into heat and the rubbing one out with Dean on opposite sides of the door, to the end of the book. 

_**Sam could tell by the way Y/n and Dean were acting with one another that she wasn’t going to stick around very long. It was obvious there was something going on between his childhood best friend and his big brother. The tension was undeniable to him, and once Y/n went into heat and Dean left the motel room smelling of sex, Sam was sure he knew where the tension was coming from. Sam thought Dean must have slept with her.**_

_**The last thing Sam wanted was for Y/n to go back to Sioux Falls, though. He could handle Dean having her. He wasn’t ready for another love yet, anyway. He really didn’t want to see her drive away. She was one of the best parts of his childhood and he didn’t want Dean’s perceived inability to keep his hands to himself to ruin it all for him.** _

_**Sam sat on the hood of the Firebird, waiting for her. “Hey,” he greeted when she exited the motel room. Her hair was wet from a shower and her body was tense from nerves.** _

_**She pulled out her keys and debated ignoring his presence as she pulled open the back door to put away her bag. “Hey, Sam,” she finally responded.** _

_**“Are you feeling better?” he asked as she took a deep breath.** _

_**“Yeah. The suppressants knocked it down. It was just a lot rougher than it normally is,” she responded, honestly.** _

_**“Why, do you think?” Sam asked. Was it because of Dean? Or maybe it was because of Sam? He was so sure he was her truemate when they were kids.** _

_**Y/n turned and looked over the roof of the car at him. “What do you mean?”** _

_**“Do you think it happened because you’ve been around Dean so much the last couple days?”** _

_**Dean walked up behind her, leaning against a tree twenty feet off as Y/n shook her head and slammed the door of Bobby’s car.** _

_**“I’m absolutely certain that it doesn’t matter, Sammy,” she answered. She was sure that Dean would never want her, even if what he said on the other side of the bathroom door was true, she was tainted goods in her mind.** _

_**“It’s Sam,” the younger hunter corrected as he pushed himself off of the hood of the car. “Why wouldn’t it matter?”** _

_**Y/n didn’t know how to answer that question without letting Sam in on her deepest regret so she answered with, “It’s complicated,” and hoped he’d let it go.** _

_**Sam couldn’t do that. “I’m pretty smart. I think I could handle it.”** _

_**Y/n ran her hand across the back of her neck. “I lost my virginity to an alpha I shouldn’t have and Dean’s been upset about it because I guess that ruined me for all future alphas.” Sam took that as confirmation of his theory that Dean slept with her and pushed down a thrill of jealousy as Y/n continued. “And that’s fine because I’m not made for that life.”** _

_**The idea that Y/n thought she was ruined for alphas was distressing to Sam and Dean, both. Dean couldn’t believe he’d put that idea in her head and instantly regretted it. Sam grabbed Y/n’s hand, looking over her head for a split second to see the look of regret on Dean’s face. “You aren’t ruined and I don’t think Dean thinks you are, either. Dean is...he’s…”** _

_**Y/n yanked her hand back. “You don’t know, Sam. Dean and I, we aren’t even friends anymore,” she said, starting to turn back and get in her car to get away from Sam.** _

_**“Come with us. You could really help us find Dand and you can fix whatever’s going on with you and Dean,” Sam suggested.** _

_**“I can’t,” she insisted. She got the door unlocked and smiled apologetically at Sam.** _

_**“Just because you slept with Dean doesn’t mean-” Sam started.** _

_**“I didn’t sleep with Dean!” she shouted. She couldn’t believe Sam thought that was what messed up her relationship with Dean. She was certain Dean had never wanted to touch her. “If it was Dean...Look, I hope you find your dad and I hope you get your revenge, but I’m going back to Sioux Falls.”** _

_**Dean couldn’t stand the thought of her going back to Sioux Falls any more than Sam could, so he stepped forward. “No, you aren’t.”** _

_**Indignation filled her. “Excuse me?” she snapped.** _

_**“You aren’t going back to Sioux Falls because you don’t even want to be there. You want to be here. You want to be in the thick of it. You want to be with Sam and me.” Dean stepped closer to her and the omega in her melted her resistance. “So fucking stay,” he demanded.** _

_**“Are you going to play nice, Dean?” Sam asked as his brother walked up and Y/n looked between them. She felt a little sandwiched between them, even though they were several feet away from her.** _

_**Dean nodded. He didn’t want to lose Y/n. Bringing her along was the best way to help Sam get over Jessica. There was an added bonus that Dean wouldn’t have to watch her leave, that he wouldn’t have to go without her smell and her voice and her pretty face. “Yeah,” he said, nodding.** _

_**The brothers looked between themselves, both certain that they were convincing Y/n to stay for the other and completely ignoring the fact that they both wanted her for themselves. All that mattered to either of them was that she get her bag out of the Firebird and put it in the Impala. “Please, Y/n,” they begged her as they gave her the pouty eyes they’d been using on her their whole lives.** _

_**She sighed deeply and nodded. “Fine.”** _

The door to the truck yanked open and you gasped as Dean grabbed the book from your hands. “Who the hell said you could read these?!” 

"Hey!" you shouted as he grabbed the books and threw them across the scrap yard. You twisted and reached for Hollywood Babylon as he sent it sailing through the air. "Holy shit, Dean! I was fucking reading-"

"You stole them out of my car and you're out here _reading_ while Sam is hallucinating and talking to himself in the panic room!"

"So?! So what? I could not care less about Sam talking to himself in the panic room!" you snapped, leaning into Dean's personal space and pushing him out of the door of the truck. "What's in those books that you don't want me to read? Huh?! Like I don't already know about what went down when I was in Hell. Like I don’t already know about Azazel getting Sam killed and you selling your soul and immediately going on a mission to fuck your way through the US before you went."

Your anger melted a little into a profound sadness. "Like I don't already know how little my sacrifice mattered. Fuck off," you said quietly, sniffling before pointing at the mud-covered book that used to be _Hook Man_. "I was in that one. I wanted to see if you actually did want me around you at some point."

A flash of anger and hurt went through his eyes. He wanted to argue. You could see how much he wanted to argue, but he turned away. "Ya know, we got too damn much going on for you to be sitting out here-"

"I don't," you interrupted. "I'm not participating in your little intervention with the man who got high on demon blood and-"

"He's your alpha, whether you want him or not. You don't think you'll feel something if he dies?"

"Relief?" you suggested, dryly.

Dean growled and you shivered. "That is my brother you're talking about."

"Yeah. It is. It's your brother and damn you for making him more important than everyone else in the world, including you." You took a deep breath and pushed him out the door again. "Keep your fucking books. I know how the story ends."

His jaw twitched as you slammed the door on him. He slapped his hand against the metal and grunted out his frustration before going inside. 

You held in the tears and laid yourself across the bench of John's truck. "Stupid fuckin' story anyway," you complained to yourself.

~~~~~~~~~

You stayed in the yard until Sam escaped and Dean went after him, leaving you and John to make sure Bobby was okay. "I told you he wasn't himself," you muttered as you checked Bobby’s nose for a break. "The fucking blood changed him and I told you. I told you he was wrong. But does anybody listen to Y/n? No. I'm just the token omega attachment, what the hell would I know about-"

"Shut the hell up, Y/n," John snapped, making you tense and Bobby's eyes go wide. "You really think this is the appropriate time for your 'poor pitiful me, no one listens to me and nobody loves me bullshit? The world is ending and my sons are in danger!"

"Your sons are always in danger, asshole!" you responded, turning to him. "Because _you_ made them hunters. You chose this for them and now you wanna act concerned because you feel guilty about the other one? Fuck you, John."

Rage filled his scent again and his eyes narrowed. "I'm gettin' real fucking sick of your attitude, little girl."

"That’s nice. I've _been_ sick of yours," you shot back.

"What other one?" Bobby cut into the tension and you and John looked away from each other.

"That's John's to tell. Your nose isn't broken. I'm gonna get some water."

You sat at Bobby’s kitchen table and sipped at a bottle of water. Wrong time to break down on John, wrong place to make shit worse. Why was it so hard to hold it together for everyone? You were an expert at that. You'd been doing it for years. Why were you suddenly failing at the one thing you were always good at?

"You okay, Y/n?" Bobby asked, walking in and getting himself a cup of coffee.

"You're the one that got attacked."

"I'm fine, you said yerself. Now, how are you?" You shrugged. "Seems like the honeymoon phase is over 'tween you and John."

"We're just stressed...tired. We're gonna be okay." You chuckled quietly. "Not like we can break up, right?"

Bobby shook his head in disappointment. "We shoulda listened to yer daddy, kept you away from alpha hunters."

"Too late for mighta-beens. Might be too late for everything." You took a drink of your water and smiled tightly. "Everything will be just fine, Bobby. I'm sure of it."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Why are you surprised?" you asked, tiredly, when Dean walked back into Bobby’s house with a bloody face and a story of Sam beating him near to death in the honeymoon suite of a hotel in Cold Spring. The men all looked so shocked and distressed about Sam's actions but you couldn't bring yourself to even feign surprise. "He isn't our Sam and hasn't been since Dean died."

You closed your eyes and leaned your head back against the back of Bobby's couch. "Funny how we're the ones who went to Hell but he’s the one that ended up a demon."

"He's not a demon," John and Dean snapped simultaneously. 

"Yet," you added, sardonically. You didn’t have to open your eyes to know the Winchesters were glaring at you.

"Look, we got more import-" Dean started and you cut him off with a loud laugh. 

You opened your eyes and leaned forward. "More important things. More import-" You stood, a serious look taking over your face. "We're fucked and we all know it, Dean. Even if we had a sane and sober Sam on our team, there is _nothing_ we could do to stop Lilith and we...all...know it."

"The angels-" Dean started again, but you interrupted.

"Yeah, 'cause they've been so fucking helpful thus far, right? Making you torture Alastair and gaslighting us with fake lives in Cincinnati and keeping everything need to know, even after you've pledged your ass to them. There was one fucking halo that wasn't a complete waste of wings and he's been indoctrinated back into the fold so tell me exactly how the angels are gonna help anything," you demanded.

"How do you know-" Dean started again, but you threw your hands up and stomped out of the house into the salvage yard. 

A half hour later, John walked out of the house to find you resting in the back of one of the junk cars. "Dean's gone," he said and you could feel his anxiety even though his voice didn't betray him.

"Angels?" you asked, sitting up and scooching out of the backseat.

"Think so. He just disappeared outta the study."

"Great." You laughed to yourself as you stood and stretched. 

"What the hell is wrong with you, Y/n? Why are you giving off all this attitude?"

"Well, I figure the world is ending so what's the point of being polite. I figure the world is ending and what is the point of pretending anything matters."

"The world isn't ending yet, Y/n. We could still pull out of this and we're gonna need every capable Hunter to-"

You ignored the rage in his scent and laughed again as you stepped past him. "The world _is_ ending and there's not enough capable hunters in the universe to stop what your son started in motion so I am going to stay right here and I'm gonna run my mouth all I fucking want, John, because there's no reason-"

Your alpha grabbed your elbow hard and twisted you around, his right hand flying, the back of it catching your eye and snapping your head to the side. Shock held you in place like a statue for a moment before your own rage took over. Your knee connected to his groin, your free elbow following quickly to connect to his solar plexus. He groaned in pain and released you, which gave you the opportunity to crash your fist into his cheekbone and step back.

"Are you fucking _insane_?" you growled, kicking your foot out to connect to his ribs. He fell to his knees and looked up at you from the gravel. You tenderly pressed your fingers to your eye. You could already feel the bruise that was going to form. "It's the end of the world so you decide you wanna go out an abusive piece of shit?"

"I'm so sorry, Y/n. I'm so sorry. I just...I can't...I'm so sorry," he said, hazel eyes wide. You could feel his shock and disappointment in his own actions, but you wouldn't let them sway you.

You leaned down to sneer in his face. "You know, your sons told me you used to do this shit to them. Right up until they were bigger than you. I might be smaller than you, John, but I will never go down without a fight." You could see all the excuses welling up inside of him, but he just looked down in shame and bit his tongue. You stepped away from him. "I'm not one of your kids...and you’re not gonna treat me like one."

You walked purposely to the truck and opened the cab to grab your bag. A flash of color under the seat caught your attention. One of the books, one with an uncharacteristically colorful cover featuring a house with a white picket fence covered in roses, had fallen under the seat in your earlier scuffle. You had nothing better to do than read so you pulled it out. _What Is and What Should Never Be_ the title read. You shoved it into your duffel and walked away past John into Bobby’s house.

You settled in your old room, laying back on your bed, head in the pillow. The summary on the back said “ _After Dean is attacked by a djinn, he wakes up in a world where he is no longer a hunter, but do wishes really come true?_ ” You couldn’t remember any of the Winchesters mentioning a djinn. You would think it was too mundane to mention except it was exciting enough for it to be published.

So you flipped open the book and started reading. Fairly standard hunt. Sam on research, Dean on footwork. Sam tells Dean they’re looking for a djinn, Dean going with the layman’s term of ‘Genie’ and relating it to ‘ _I Dream of Jeannie_ ’. Dean finds a warehouse, gets attacked by the djinn, wakes up naked in an unfamiliar bed.

_**An old black and white film playing on a flat screen mounted to the bedroom wall grabbed Dean’s attention first, but the similarly naked body in bed with him took his notice next. His heart jumped into his throat at the sight of her. It was Y/n and she smelled like sex and him. He reached out and ran his fingers down her cheek. She felt real to him.**_

_**His perfect woman was alive. The woman who sacrificed herself for him was alive and in his bed. He started going through all the things he wanted to tell her. There were a dozen emotions he couldn’t name if he wanted but the ones he could tell her about were too hard to say when she was alive before: fear, jealousy, love.** _

_**He wanted to tell her about them now. But he had to talk to Sam first.** _

You rolled your eyes. Of course he had to talk to Sam. Sam was all-important. Sam was everything. You kept reading. Sam doesn’t know what a djinn is, accuses Dean of being drunk. Dean checks the mail, sees your name and Lawrence, Kansas on the address. His name on several pieces of mail told him that he lived in the house with you. He was apparently overwhelmed with the thought of living with you, being in a relationship that intimate.

You were sucked into the story quickly after that. Mary alive, John dead of a stroke in his sleep, Sam engaged to Jess and graduated from college. Everything good. Except the fact that everyone who was saved by you or the boys or John were all dead and Dean kept seeing a young woman’s visage. 

You were moving through the story so quickly that you were suddenly at a scene after Dean goes to John’s grave. 

_**Dean wasn’t sure if he would be able to forgive himself if he took down the djinn and reversed the wish, having only kissed Y/n. He had to give himself one more memory of her, even if it wasn’t real.**_

_**“Dean?” she moaned as he climbed into bed with her and pulled her to lay with her back on the bed.** _

_**“Yeah, honey, it’s me,” he whispered, taking in every inch of her face to commit it to his brain. He let his fingers cascade down her body, pushing the sheet to pool at her thighs.** _

_**“Baby, I work in the morning,” she complained lightly, but she didn’t move to stop him. Instead, she leaned into his touch.** _

_**“Doesn’t matter. None of it matters except you and me,” he said, dragging his hand up her side.** _

_**Dean knew it was the last time he’d see her face or hear her voice. He knew it was the last time he’d get to hear the little gasps of pleasure she couldn’t keep in. It was the last time he would ever get to taste the essence of her womanhood or feel her come apart underneath him and, just one last time, he wanted to experience it all.** _

_**He looked up at her from between her thighs, committing the look of bliss on her face to his memory before diving back in to taste her again. She groped blindly until her hand found his head and her fingers twisted in his hair, tugging in a way that only spurred Dean on.** _

_**The way she moved, writhing against his tongue and twisting her hands in the sheets made Dean’s manhood harder than he could remember it being, but the way she chanted his name in reverent whimpers and moans made him want to weep. When she climaxed, her back arched off of the bed and her toes curled.** _

_**Dean crawled up the bed, covering her body with his own and looking down into her eyes. He marveled at her post-orgasmic beauty and the way her bosom heaved with breathless panting. To Dean, she was the most beautiful thing God ever created.** _

_**“I don’t know what’s gotten into you these last couple days, Dean, but I really like it.”** _

_**“I’m really sorry, Y/n,” he whispered. It was likely his last chance to apologize.** _

_**“What for?” she asked, shaking her head. Dean couldn’t help but think that she was still gorgeous with her eyebrows pushed together to make those confused little lines on her forehead.** _

_**“You’re not going to understand what I’m talking about, but...I’m sorry I got so mad about you and my dad. I’m sorry I yelled. I’m sorry I-”** _

_**Y/n sat up, shaking her head once more, and Dean sat back on his heels. She set her hand on his cheek and looked into his eyes. “Dean, what are you talking about? Me and your dad? I-I don’t understand.”** _

_**“I told you you wouldn’t, Y/n, but I have to get it off my chest because I’m not going to be able to say it another time, so please just let me talk,” Dean begged. Y/n looked stunned but she didn’t interrupt again, so Dean took a deep breath. “I’m sorry I pushed you off on Sam and I’m sorry I yelled at you about Dad. I should have just marked you and made you mine from the beginning. I know-”** _

_**Dean sniffled as Y/n wiped tears from his cheek with her thumb. “I’ve never been good enough for you. I was never--I should have made myself be good enough for you. I should have been a man who deserves a woman like you but I never could be. I still can’t be.” He closed his eyes as tears completely took over his vision. “I didn’t deserve you making that deal for me. It should have been me. I should’ve been the one to die. It should’ve been me...and I know you only made that deal because you felt like you needed to make it up to me, but you didn’t have to do that. You didn’t have to make it up to me, Y/n. I’m not worth what you’re going through in Hell. I’m not worth your life and I’m definitely not worth your fucking soul and the fact that I know that you’re down there and it’s my fault, all of it is my fault, it hurts me so bad. I just want you back. Y/n, I’d give almost anything to have you back.”** _

_**Her lips on his forehead made him open his eyes to blink away the tears.** _

_**Y/n didn’t speak. She simply peppered kisses across his skin, coaxing him forward as she laid back again. When their lips connected, it was an emotional firework show being set off between them and, once again, Dean felt the need to catalog every sensual input she could give him.** _

_**As their tongues danced in each other's mouths, Dean’s hands danced across her skin, remembering each spot that made her whine and every place that made her body jerk beneath his. When he guided his hard member into her blossomed flower, he took special note of the fingernails digging into his shoulders and the way she tossed her head back in pleasure to give him access to the length of her neck.** _

_**If he had the time, Dean would have made it last forever. If he had the time, he would have made it last all night, but with people dying Dean didn’t have that luxury. He only had time to make her shudder around him once and it would have to do.** _

_**He dropped his forehead to her shoulder as she screamed out her completion, committing that sound to memory as he came to his own end. That was a beautiful sound. To Dean, it was the most beautiful sound, and he would carry it in his head for the rest of his life.** _

_**"I love you, Dean," she said as she watched him roll out of bed. The words were a symphony to Dean, a siren call to stay in the dream, stay in the wish.** _

_**But he couldn’t stay. No matter how much he wanted to have nice things and a nice life and Y/n, his father trained him to do right by everyone else. Staying would be selfish and Dean wasn't allowed to be selfish.** _

_**"I, uh, just remembered that I gotta grab something from the shop. I'll be back in a few hours," Dean said as he quickly dressed. "And if I'm...if I'm late, just...please remember that you are everything to me and I'd stay if I could."** _

You wiped tears away from your cheeks, wincing at the pain in your cheekbone as you continued to read. You gasped out loud when he stuck the knife in his own gut, wrenching himself out of the dream world. You couldn’t stop reading, even knowing your appearance was over.

**_Sam looked over at Dean as he got off the phone. "That was the hospital. Girl's been stabilized. Good chance she's going to pull through."_**

_**"That's good," Dean responded, distracted by memories of the wish dream.** _

_**"Yeah. How about you? You all right?"** _

_**Dean cleared his throat and licked his lips, forcing himself into the present and real world. "Yeah, I'm all right. You should have seen it, Sam. Our lives. You were such a wussy."** _

_**Sam chuckled lightly. "So we didn't get along then, huh?"** _

_**"Nah," Dean answered, but his mind wasn't on his relationship with his brother in the wish world: it was on Y/n.** _

_**"Yeah, I thought it was supposed to-to be this perfect fantasy," Sam said, knowing that any world where Sam wasn’t friends with Dean would be imperfect in Dean's eyes.** _

_**"It wasn’t. I mean...parts of it were. Mom and Y/n were alive," Dean said quietly, looking down at his hands in his lap. Sam nodded in understanding. He missed Y/n but he knew Dean missed her more. Dean didn’t say it but Sam could see it any time her name came up. "But it was just a wish. I wished for Mom to live. That Mom never died, we never went hunting and you and me just never, uh...you know."** _

_**“Yeah. Well. I’m glad we do,” Sam said sincerely. The tone forced Dean to look over at him. “And I’m glad you dug yourself out, Dean. Most people wouldn’t have had the strength. They would have just stayed.”** _

_**“Yeah, lucky me,” Dean responded, looking away again. His mind was replaying the last kiss with Y/n and her begging him to stay with her. “I’ve got to tell you though, man. You know, you had Jess and I had Y/n. Mom was going to have grandkids.” Dean stood and paced away a bit, emotions causing restlessness.** _

_**“Yeah, but...Dean...it wasn’t real,” Sam reminded him.** _

_**“I know,” Dean agreed, nodding his head before admitting, “But I wanted to stay.” Y/n’s declarations of love echoed through his head, Mary’s smile and affectionate touch following it. “I wanted to stay so bad. I mean, ever since Y/n...all I ca--all I can think about is how much this job’s cost us.”** _

_**Sam wanted to argue that Y/n made her choice, that she saved Dean’s life, but he waited for Dean to finish.** _

_**“We’ve lost so much. We’ve...sacrificed so much.”** _

_**“But people are alive because of you,” Sam argued and Dean scoffed. Sam using the same reasoning on him that he used on himself in the wish dream didn’t cut through the bitterness in his chest. “It’s worth it, Dean. It is. It’s not fair and, you know, it hurts like hell, but...it’s worth it,” Sam insisted.** _

_**Dean disagreed, but he would never say it out loud. He gave up the dream and he would have to deal with the loss. “Let’s just get out of here, Sam.”** _

You shut the book and held it to your chest, eyes filling with tears. Dean did miss you when you were in Hell. He wanted you. He thought you were perfect. He wanted to stay to keep you...and that apology...that heartfelt apology that he thought you’d never hear. You wouldn’t have read it if it were up to him. Why wouldn’t he want you to read those words? Why wouldn’t he want you to know how he feels? Why would he keep pushing you away even after he admitted it was wrong to push you toward Sam?

The answer was printed right there on the page. Dean thought he wasn’t good enough for you. He thought he never could become good enough for you and Sam was the better man. The fact that your heart saw him and loved him for the flawed and beautiful human being he was didn’t seem to matter to him, he felt unworthy. Suddenly, your decision to keep your feelings to yourself seemed like a selfish one. Dean needed to hear it more than you needed to say it. Dean needed to hear how much you loved him. 

And if you didn’t die in the next few days, you were determined to tell him.


End file.
